Jane Austen's Big Brother
by Cheep FIsh Baby
Summary: Completely ridiculous satire. Various characters from Jane Austen are transported into modern times to compete in the reality show Big Brother. (Note, I have only read three of her books and I am using the American version of Big Brother as the basis).
1. Chapter 1

(On a stage in front of a television studio audience stands Jane Austen, somewhat out-of-place in full regency dress but holding a microphone).

Jane Austen: My dearest viewers, I extend a most courteous welcome for joining us this evening, at the beginning of a most thrilling and entertaining diversion. This is Big Brother, a program that places 15 people together in one house for 10 weeks. Once inside they will have no contact with the outside world and not be allowed to leave. However, once a week our houseguests will vote for one of their party to be evicted. One by one their numbers will dwindle, until only one remains to be the champion of our reality game, and winner of 10,000 pounds a year for life. Without further ado, allow me to introduce our contestants.

[on a screen overhead, pre-recorded videos of various characters, all filmed in their appropriate period style homes, appear]

Edmund Bertram: Hello, I am Edmund Bertram, 24 years of age and getting ready to take my vows to enter the clergy in a few months time. My hope in playing Big Brother is to demonstrate that one need not resort to trickery or other forms of immorality in order to succeed in life.

Marianne Dashwood: Greetings, I am Marianne Dashwood, 19 years old, and I am coming to Big Brother hoping to meet my true love. My father recently passed away and my former life is in shambles, so I thought this was a perfect opportunity to look for a romantic adventure.

George Wickham: Mr. Wickham at your service. I am 27 years old and due to the gross misconduct against me by many in this world, and merely a Lieutenant in the -shire militia. I hope in coming here I may regain what was my rightful inheritance and perhaps have the pleasure of acquainting myself with some lovely young women.

Colonel Brandon: I am Colonel Brandon of the King's Royal Navy and am 35 years of age. I understand I am the oldest person competing here, but I do not believe my age shall be any impediment in my winning.

Caroline Bingley: It is a pleasure to introduce myself to you. I am Miss Bingley. My elder brother Mr. Bingley is the current resident of Netherfield Park and my elder sister is Mrs. Hurst who lives with her husband in Grosvenor Street. I do hope in my time here I may make long-lasting connections with some of the most fashionable and genteel families of England.

Maria Bertram: I am engaged to be married to the lovely Mr. Rushworth, but I cannot conceal my anticipation of how drole it will be living in a house full of young single people without any parents around to censure me.

Mary Crawford: I don't have much to say for myself other than that I enjoy living life to the fullest and cannot stand to sit idly by. I will be very much bored here unless I find my fellow houseguests as quick and entertaining as myself.

Elizabeth Bennet: I dearly love to laugh and I am a great judge of character. I can usually know everything about a person after a short first impression. I plan to use these social talents of mine to their fullest extent in order to reach the end of this game. Some prize money will be of considerable material advantage for the futures of myself and my sisters.

Edward Ferrars: I am not a man of many words and frankly would prefer not to be here, but it is the wish of my family to gain money and earn fame in the world, and although I think I would much prefer a small country parish, I must will heed to their will for the time being.

John Willoughby: I am not at heart a man to use underhanded methods, but I cannot deny that money is of extreme import to me and I will do what I must to achieve it. If it means breaking some hearts along the way, so be it.

Fanny Price: Oh, no, you cannot expect me to speak of myself? There is nothing to say, really. I do not feel I belong here, but my dear cousin Edward believed this experience is just the sort of thing I need in order to begin to feel comfortable in society. Please, do not film me so much. What interest could I be to anyone?

Henry Crawford: I have no need for money, I have more than I know what to do with. But this did sound like such an amusing sport. I love challenges and I do not stop until I conquer them.

Elinor Dashwood: I come here for this rational motive that my family is in need of money if we are ever to regain our former standard of living. I am not one to be ruled by emotion, and that good sense is what one needs in order to succeed in this game.

Fitzwilliam Darcy: I am aware that in coming here I will be mingling with people who are decidedly beneath my station in life and of rather ridiculous manners. I have well-placed pride that my superiority will lead to my victory.

Lydia Bennet: Haha, Kitty! I know how jealous you are that I got to come here while you must stay at home! Just think of it, a house full of handsome young men! It is almost better than a trip to Brighton.

Jane Austen: Now that we have met the houseguests, let's look inside the house. They have all just arrived shortly ago.

(Inside the Regency era manor, Elinor and Edward sits on a couch drinking tea)

Marianne (in the diary room): I have noticed an immediate bond formed between my sister and Mr. Ferrars. Though I do not see much in him to love, I surely hope I may one day count him as a brother.

Elinor (diary room): I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him – that I greatly esteem, that I like him.

(meanwhile, the rest of the houseguests sit in the dining room. Mr. Darcy sits in a chair in a corner far off, silent. Edmund Bertram approaches).

Edmund: Come Mr. Darcy, I won't have you sulking here by yourself. There are many fine ladies here to entertain us all.

Darcy: I see no great beauty here, Mr. Bertram.

Edmund: Come now. There are many charming women. Look, right now Miss Elizabeth Bennet sits all alone in the parlour. She will have nothing of my conversation. Why not you go and make her company.

Darcy: She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.

(Unbeknownst to both, Elizabeth stands at the doorway and overhears).

Elizabeth: (diary room) I thought they might be speaking of strategy and wished to listen in on their conversation. I must say that Mr. Darcy is a proud and arrogant man, completely unsociable and disagreeable. I do not think he will last long in here.

(Later, Elizabeth and Lydia sit with Mr. Wickham)

Wickham: I must ask that you keep what I told you about Mr. Darcy in confidence. I would not want anyone to believe that I tell this tale merely to further my own interests in the game. I have too much respect for his father to do such a thing.

Elizabeth: Oh, poor, poor man.

Lydia: (diary room) Mr. Wickham spoke to me for nearly an hour today, even longer than he talked with Elizabeth. I am sure he prefers me, even if I am the youngest, because after all, I am the tallest.

(in another room, Maria and Henry sit by a fire. Henry reads from a tome of Shakespeare. Fanny sits in a corner, knitting).

Maria: You read those lines of love so eloquently, Mr. Crawford. I could listen to you all evening.

(Fanny, looking uncomfortable, gets up and quietly exits).

Fanny (diary room): I would not for all the world say what I think of my cousin Maria's behavior, and can only hope that Mr. Rushworth is not watching this at home.

(Marianne Dashwood enters the room)

Marianne: Oh Mr. Crawford, would you read for me also? I dearly love to hear poetry read with passion.

Henry: It would be my pleasure Miss Marianne.

Maria: (looks angry and leaves. Sees Mr. Darcy in the next room). Mr. Darcy sir, would you fancy a game of cards to pass the time.

Darcy: (barely looking at her) No thank you, Miss Bertram.

(Later on in the evening, Maria is in the kitchen and notices an envelope on the table. She opens it and reads the letter inside).

Maria: "Congratulations to the person who first finds this letter. You have been selected as the first Head of Household for the season. As such, it is your duty to select two of your fellow houseguests to nominate for eviction. You have one hour before you announce your decision, and may not consult with anyone."

(One Hour Later. Jane Austen's voice comes echoing through the house).

Jane Austen: Houseguests, please meet in the living room. It is my duty to announce that Miss Bertram has secretly been selected as the first Head of Household of the season. She will now announce her decision.

Maria: I nominate Mr. Crawford and Mr. Darcy. That is all I have to say.

Maria (diary room): Well, if Mr. Crawford now chooses to ignore me, after all the attention he showed me at Mansfield Park this summer, so be it. I will show him that he has certainly not touched MY heart. As for Mr. Darcy, he is so remote and distant from everyone in the house I doubt anyone will be upset that I placed him on the block.

Jane Austen: Of course, it is now time for the Power of Veto competition, in which six of you will play for the chance to win Power of Veto. Whoever holds Power of Veto will be able to veto one of the nominations, and the Head of Household will need to pick a replacement nominee. Miss Bertram, Mr. Crawford and Mr. Darcy will all be competing. And by random draw, the other three players have been selected. Mr. Bertram, Col. Brandon, and Miss Dashwood, you will be joining in the event. Place proceed to the courtyard.

(The characters walk into an outdoor courtyard, which has been filled with balloons. On a table ahead of them are 6 pins).

Jane Austen: Contestants, using your pins, you must pop the balloons ahead of you. Inside some of the balloons are puzzle pieces. There are enough here to make 6 complete maps of Europe. As quickly as you can, find all the pieces you need. The first person to complete his map wins.

Henry (whispers to Darcy): We are both men of good breeding and intelligence, and I daresay have greater physical prowess than most anyone we are competing against. I find it important we work together.

Darcy: (respectfully bows his head).

(The competition begins. Mr. Darcy looks disinterested in the proceedings are barely even tries. Maria Bertram runs frantically popping balloons but cannot seem to hold onto them properly. Mr. Crawford easily takes the lead and wins).

Jane Austen: Now with Mr. Crawford winning the competition, will he decide to use the Power of Veto? If so, who shall Miss Bertram choose as replacement? And who will be the first houseguest evicted from the Big Brother house? Tune in next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Jane Austen: Welcome to another episode of Big Brother. Our houseguests have now been living together for almost a week and tensions are starting to rise. More than a few people have been growing annoyed at Miss Marianne.

Elizabeth: (diary room) I tried to approach Miss Marianne with an offer of an alliance for the women in the house, and she would not have any of it.

Elinor (diary room): My sister is not using her sense in the game. She will not think of strategy. She wants only to enjoy her time here and does not consider how to keep going.

Jane Austen: Also, many are resentful of Miss Bertram's surprise Head of Household win.

Brandon (diary room): Miss Bertram did nothing to earn such a position of safety. It was merely chance that brought her to that letter first.

Mary (diary room): Poor Miss Bertram, so out-of-sorts because of my brother Henry. She does not realize he is the type of man who needs to make women fall in love with him, but does not so easily return affection.

Jane Austen: And the friendship between Miss Dashwood and Mr. Ferrars continues to grow with each passing day.

Caroline (diary room): Miss Dashwood certainly seems to be keeping Mr. Ferrars all to himself. Why should a handsome young man of a good family give attention to such a plain girl who, as I have heard, has no dowry of which to speak.

Mary: (diary room) I have vowed never again to fall in love with a younger brother personally, especially one who is destined for the clergy. But I must say if Miss Dashwood is interested in Mr. Ferrars, she must start showing her feeling more openly if she is to procure him. There's nothing wrong with a bit of flirting.

(Later, Caroline sits with Maria Bertram)

Caroline: If Mr. Crawford uses the Veto on himself, which I sure he will, I would advise you to use it against the elder Miss Dashwood. She is conniving and duplicitous, you may depend on it.

(At that moment, Elinor passes by).

Caroline: Miss Dashwood, do be a dear and bring our cups into the kitchen to wash. I am not accustomed to living without servants you are, so it would be most exhausting to me.

Maria (diary room): If I am to choose a replacement nominee tomorrow, I am decided it must be one of the Dashwood sisters.

Jane Austen: The next day, the houseguests gathered in the living room for their first Veto Meeting.

Mr. Crawford: I have decided…to use the Power of Veto…on myself. Miss Bertram, you must now choose a replacement nominee.

Maria: I nominate Miss Marianne.

Maria (diary room): If I cannot get Mr. Crawford out, I will have to break his heart by sending away the girl he so admires.

(Later in the day, Lydia and Mr. Wickham emerge from the dormitory together, both laughing.)

Edmund: I do not like that. A young girl like Miss Lydia should take more precaution to guard her reputation.

Willoughby: Indeed, and affection will lead to alliances that cannot be reasoned against. They must be dealt with swiftly.

Brandon: On that note, may I also add that I have noted a particular friendship growing between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Ferrars. I do believe they may be aligned with each other and if so, they must be watched carefully.

Jane Austen: And now it is the evening of our first live eviction. One by one the houseguests will go into the Diary Room to cast their vote in secret. Mr. Darcy, Miss Marianne, as nominees you are not allowed to vote. The Head of Household will only vote in the case of a tie.

Edmund: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Wickham: I vote to evict Miss Marianne. She seemed only interested in Mr. Willoughby and Mr. Crawford, so I shan't miss her.

Brandon: I vote to evict Miss Marianne. Know when you watch this, I do this out of a firm belief it is for your own good. There are dangerous men in the house, with secrets I dare not reveal. Only know you are safer without than within.

Caroline: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Mary: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Elizabeth: I vote to evict Miss Marianne. Although I lament turning against one of my own sex, I must vote with what I feel the majority will be doing or else I fear I shall become a target.

Edward: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Willoughby: I vote to evict Miss Marianne. I cannot be seen as impartial to you it will hurt my chances. The prize money is very important to me, but believe me, despite this, the affection I showed you was real.

Fanny: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Henry: I vote to evict Miss Marianne. Yes, we did have some laughs but I am aligned with Mr. Darcy and certainly can't vote him out for you.

Elinor: I vote to evict Mr. Darcy. Although some have tried to persuade me, I cannot turn my back on my sister.

Lydia: I vote to evict Miss Marianne.

Jane Austen: By a vote of 11 to 1, Miss Marianne, I'm sorry, you are the first person to be evicted from the Big Brother house. You have one minute to say goodbye and then you must leave.

Marianne: (eyes welling up in tears) Am I thus betrayed, betrayed by all except one. I know it was you who tried to save me, dear Elinor. Oh, even you Mr. Willoughby? (starts sobbing) Farewell. I am glad to leave such company. (exits through front door).

Jane Austen: But wait, our night is not over yet. It is time to decide who the next Head of Household will be. Please go into the courtyard.

(The houseguests go into the courtyard, where 13 large, fake trees have been mounted).

Jan Austen: As a reminder, Miss Bertram, as current Head of Household you will not be eligible to play in this competition. For the rest, your task is to climb up your tree and once there, hold on to the trunk. The person who manages to remain on their tree as long as possible wins. Who will win the next Head of Household? Who will be picked for nomination? And who will win the Power of Veto? Tune in next time to find out.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane Austen: Welcome back. When we last left our houseguests, they had just started the Head of Household competition.

Elizabeth: (diary room) My love of walking has paid off. I have strong legs and that helped me a lot in this competition. Even the men struggled more than I, because they are larger than me and have to support more weight, you see.

(In the courtyard, only Elizabeth and Mary remain clinging to their trees. The rest of the houseguests sit on the side watching).

Mary: Oh, how I hate staying in one place too long. I am one who must always be moving about. Miss Bennet, please be honest with me. Will you target me if you become Head of Household?

Elizabeth: Absolutely not. I never go back on my word.

Mary: Very well. (Mary jumps off the tree)

Jane Austen: Congratulations Miss Bennet, you are the Head of Household.

Elizabeth: (diary room) While I am pleased at having won the competition, I am now faced with what a heavy burden being Head of Household is. Already people are trying inculcate me from all sides, arguing why such and such should be nominated, or so and so must be protected.

(Elizabeth sits in the Head of Household room. Brandon enters)

Brandon: Miss Bennet, forgive me, but I feel I must warn you of a danger in this house that must be put a stop to. I have begun to notice a close bond between Mr. Crawford, Mr. Willoughby Mr. Wickham and Mr. Bertram. I believe that these four are in an alliance together. They are each of them young and full of vigor and intelligence, making them excellent competitors. What's more, I have noticed each of them has a particular attachment to a woman in this house, and will no doubt use their sway with these women to make them vote how they want. If I were you, Miss Bennet, I would suggest targeting these men immediately.

Elizabeth: Thank you Colonel. You have given me something to think of.

(Later in the day, Wickham enters)

Wickham: Do excuse me, Miss Bennet, but I saw Col. Brandon enter here earlier to speak to you. And may I just say if he told you anything, do not give any credit to it. The Colonel, as an experienced man of war, has no doubt a cunning, strategic mind, able to invent all sorts of stories in order to manipulate people as he sees fit.

Elizabeth: Do you deny an alliance between you and the other men of this house.

Wickham: Most wholeheartedly, and if Col. Brandon has told you this, than he is merely using you to further his own game. Dear Miss Bennet, you must know that I at least would never hold any secret from you.

Jane Austen: The next day the houseguests gathered for the nomination ceremony.

Elizabeth: I nominate Col. Brandon and Miss Dashwood. Miss Dashwood, I nominate you because I perceive you are a very intelligent young woman and therefore a threat against me. Col. Brandon, I nominate you because I have gained a better insight into your character this week and believe it is for the best.

Jane Austen: With the nominations made, who will win the next Power of Veto? Will the Veto be used to take one of the contestants off the block? And if so, who will Miss Bennet choose as her replacement nominee? Tune in next time to find out.


	4. Chapter 4

Jane Austen: Welcome back. Tensions were high after Miss Bennet announced her nominations.

Elinor: (diary room) I will not allow emotion to overcome me. No, I will keep calm and make sure that I do not go home this week. I quite understand Miss Bennet putting me up and hold nothing against her.

(Later, Brandon approaches Elizabeth)

Brandon: Miss Bennet, I few you did not take seriously my previous warnings. I cannot force you to believe me, but I give you my word as a gentleman that I was not lying.

Elizabeth: (crossly) I shall venture still to think of the gentlemen as I did before.

Mary: (diary room) Ever since he got nominated, Col. Brandon has been brooding all over the house. Although, come to think of it, he was almost always brooding before then also.

(Later, Elizabeth sits with Fanny sewing. Darcy sits in a chair at a distance reading a book, but occasionally glances up and looks at Elizabeth).

Elizabeth: (diary room) It seems that ever since I won Head of Household, Mr. Darcy will not stop staring at me. I do not know what he means by it, but if he is trying to intimidate me, it shall not work.

(Caroline approaches Darcy)

Caroline: I can guess the subject of your reverie.

Darcy: I should imagine not.

Caroline: You are considering how insupportable it would be to pass many evenings in this manner.

Darcy: I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.

Caroline: I do desire that you tell me what lady has the credit of inspiring such reflections.

Darcy: Miss Elizabeth Bennet.

Caroline: (diary room) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jane Austen: The next day, the houseguests gathered in the yard to play the Power of Veto competition. By random selection, Mr. Bertram, Mr. Willoughby and Miss Bingley were selected to compete alongside Miss Bennet, Miss Dashwood and Col. Brandon.

(the houseguests go into the yard, which has been covered with artificial snow, balance beams, and numerous snowmen)

Jane Austen: Houseguests, here is your challenge. At one side of the yard, you must form a snowball from the snow on the ground. Then you must race across the yard, go over the balance beam. Once across the yard, you have six snowmen ahead of you. Your goal is to hit each of the snowmen with your snowball. You get only one shot each time. If you miss, you must return to the beginning to start over.

(The competition begins. Several of players, including Col. Brandon, try running as fast as they can but keep sliding on ice or falling off their beams. Elizabeth is more sturdy but is a bad aim as she frantically throws and keeps missing the snowman targets. Elinor, who keeps going at a steady pace, never falls and manages to accomplish her goal first).

Jane Austen: Congratulations Miss Dashwood, you have won the Power of Veto.

(The next day, Wickham and Lydia stroll together through the yard)

Wickham: (diary room) People in the house think I have a special attachment with Miss Lydia, but that is not so. On my very first day here I aligned myself in total secrecy with Mr. Willoughby. I thoroughly believe that Willoughby and I are the smartest people in this house, and I would get rid of Miss Lydia at a moment's notice if she became inconvenient to me.

(Elsewhere, Caroline approaches Elizabeth in the Head of Household bedroom)

Caroline: So, Miss Eliza, I hear you are quite delighted with George Wickham! I find that the young man forgot to tell you, among his other communications, that he was the son of old Wickham, the late Mr. Darcy's steward. Let me recommend you, however, as a friend, not to give implicit confidence to all his assertions; for as to Mr. Darcy's using him ill, it is perfectly false; for, on the contrary, he has been always remarkably kind to him, though George Wickham has treated Mr. Darcy, in a most infamous manner. I pity you, Miss Eliza, for this discovery of your favorite's guilt; but really, considering his descent one could not expect much better.

Elizabeth: His guilt and his descent appear by your account to be the same, for I have heard you accuse him of nothing worse than of being the son of Mr. Darcy's steward, and of _that_, I can assure you, he informed me himself.

Caroline: Excuse my interference. - It was kindly meant.

Elizabeth: (diary room) Insolent girl! She is much mistaken if she expects to influence me by such a paltry attack as this. I see nothing in it but her own wilful ignorance and the malice of Mr. Darcy.

Henry: (diary room) I'm in a four-man alliance with Mr. Willoughby, Mr. Bertram and Mr. Wickham. While I don't mind them a little harmless flirting with the young ladies to persuade them to vote with us, I am concerned that Mr. Wickham's feelings for the elder Miss Bennet are more serious than what he is showing for her younger sister.

(Henry and Wickham play cards at the kitchen table)

Henry: Miss Bennet is a very shrewd young woman. It would be a shame if you let her wits and charms distract you from our target. If she a danger to us and if we cannot control her, she must be voted out. I hope you understand.

(Elsewhere in the house, Elizabeth enters a parlour where Fanny is sitting alone, sewing)

Elizabeth: Oh, Miss Price, I almost forgot you were in this house.

Fanny: I'm just catching up on my work.

Elizabeth: I did want to talk to you though. I truly believe that the women in this house need to band together if we are to hold our own against the men. I hope I can count on your support.

Fanny: Dear me, this game is almost too much for me to handle. So much scheming and plotting and secrecy. Can this be moral? I fear I made a grave mistake coming here.

Jane Austen: The next day, the houseguests gathered for the Power of Veto ceremony.

Elinor: I have decided…to use the Power of Veto…on myself.

Elizabeth: I choose Miss Bingley as my replacement nominee.

Jane Austen: Who will be the next person evicted from the Big Brother house? Who will win the next Head of Household? And who will be the next two nominees? Tune in next time to find out.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane Austen: Welcome back. With the second eviction of the season coming up, the time is coming for everybody in the house to decide where their loyalties lie.

Brandon: (Diary room) I feel that there is a nine in ten chance right now that I will be voted out. I must work quickly if I am to change this.

(Elsewhere, hidden in the pantry, Wickham, Willoughby, Henry and Edmund are in a discussion)

Willoughby: I am worried about the women in this house. I am sure they are determined to unite together and vote us out if they get a chance.

Wickham (diary room) Willoughby and I are ostensibly part of a four-man alliance along with Mr. Crawford and Mr. Bertram. But they do not know that Willoughby and I have struck up our own private deal and are truly loyal only to each other.

Henry: Between the two options, I believe it would be in our best interest at the moment to vote out Miss Bingley. That is one less woman in the house, and I have noted her particularly devoted to Mr. Darcy, who is one of our main threats.

Edmund: I say, all of this is rather difficult for me to keep up with, one is not used to such games. But I do believe that if we tell Col. Brandon that we will campaign to save him, then he will surely feel indebted to us in the future.

(In the parlour, Caroline, Maria and Elinor are playing cards)

Maria: I have grown to like you so, Miss Bingley. I do not know how I shall handle it if you leave us.

Caroline: Do not worry my dear. I have been assured by most everyone in the house that I am merely the pawn. The true target is Col. Brandon. I have nothing to fear.

Elinor: But Miss Bingley, can you really be so calm? People in this house are not always honest. You should spend some time talking to people, making sure they know WHY not to vote you out.

Caroline: How silly, Miss Dashwood. That is totally unnecessary. I am on good terms with everybody here and it would be a degradation to go around begging to be saved.

Elinor: (diary room) I do not care much for the company of Miss Bingley, but right now I need to think of my best strategy. So I have remained amicable with her in hopes she we can work together. But now that she is on the block, it is looking like it was a useless endeavour.

Jane Austen: And now it is time for the live eviction. One by one, the houseguests will go into the diary room to cast their vote in secret. Col. Brandon, Miss Bingley, as the nominees you are not allowed to vote. Miss Bennet, as the Head of Household you will only vote in the case of a tie.

Wickham: I vote to evict Miss Bingley.

Henry: I vote to evict Miss Bingley. Amongst other things, I was growing tired at her complimenting my handwriting.

Lydia: I vote to evict Miss Bingley. I heard she said mean things about my dear Wickham!

Elinor: I vote to evict Col. Brandon.

Maria: I vote to evict Col. Brandon.

Willoughby: I vote to evict Miss Bingley. Although I hear you do have a great fortune, so if things don't work out with Miss Grey, I might yet call on you one day.

Fanny: Oh dear, I must vote for Miss Bingley. Edmund advised me it was the best course of action. I do feel so sorry to have to vote anyone out.

Mary: I vote to evict Col. Brandon.

Darcy: I vote to evict Miss Bingley.

Edward: I regretfully must place my vote to evict for Miss Bingley.

Edmund: I vote to evict Miss Bingley. I pray you will forgive me, but you are the first victim of the four-man alliance.

Jane Austen: The results are in. By a vote of 8 to 3…Miss Bingley…you have been evicted from the Big Brother house.

Caroline: (welling up with tears) Me? No…no! You have betrayed me! How can this be?!

(Elinor, Mary and Maria hug and comfort her, also getting emotional).

Caroline: Farewell. (exits through front door)

Jane Austen: Welcome Miss Bingley. How does it feel to be the second person evicted from the Big Brother house?

Caroline: I am not amused. I see now what untrustworthy villains I was living with. Be it as it may, my conscience is tranquil, and theirs must not be.

Jane Austen: Viewers have noticed you aiming some rather mean remarks to some of your fellow houseguests behind their back, particularly Miss Bennet.

Caroline: And I do not regret it, for I merely spoke the truth, and their conduct has certainly shown it was the truth.

Jane Austen: Well thank you for your time, Miss Bingley…

Caroline: Pray tell, are their any lawyers in your family, Miss Austen? Your dress looks like it come from a shop in Cheapside…

Jane Austen: FAREWELL, MISS BINGLEY! Anyway, it is now time for the next Head of Household competition. Miss Bennet, as current Head of Household, you are not eligible to compete. Today's competition is one simple question. How many ounces of snow were used to cover the yard in the last Power of Veto competition? Please write your answer on the card in front of you and hold it up. The correct answer was 100 ounces. Mr. Crawford, with a guess of 30 ounces, you are the closest. Congratulations, you are the new Head of Household. Who will Mr. Crawford put up for nomination? Who will win the Power of Veto? And will the Veto be used to change one of the nominees? Tune in next time to find out.


End file.
